Being home all the time leads to looking in the refrigerator every ten minutes, which leads me to suggest that manufacturers create small doors within refrigerator doors, sort of like doggy doors, so that you don’t open the whole door so many times a day, thereby conserving the cold inside the appliance.

First thing every morning I eat an entire bulb of garlic, which not only lets me know whether I still have my sense of smell, but also helps keep others from invading my social distancing space.

When leaving my abode, I’m now wearing only one disposable glove in order to conserve them until I can go through my neighbors’ garbage to find more. The unintended consequence is that I have to resist the urge to moonwalk, which could be a dangerous form of exercise for a senior citizen.

I’ve invented a new game, where I stand at a corner that has a stop sign and wave cars to proceed, whereupon they inevitably wave back that I should cross, whereupon I reinstate my wave, sometimes adding a nod for effect. I repeat this dance over and over again with a car until the driver gets fed up, gives me the finger, and drives on. My current record is 23 times back and forth with a single driver. I’ve written Guinness World Records, but haven’t heard back.