Shelter in Place – the Rolling Stones revised version of Gimme Shelter, not to be confused with the psychological thriller sequel to the movie Shelter Island, where people try to get into the heads of their dogs

Patient Zero – a patient with no redeeming qualities, not to be confused with zero patience, which can result from being stuck at home with someone with no redeeming qualities

Community Spread – love handles

Herd Immunity – a get-out-of-the-house-free card, not to be confused with the President having heard that we all might already have immunity

Coronavirus Vaccine – a potential immunity producer, pending development, testing, and Jenny McCarthy announcing that she has proof that it causes people to grow a sixth toe on their left foot

Physical Distancing – an excuse for not visiting your in-laws forevermore

Social Distancing – a misnomer that can be used as an excuse for not responding to emails, as it has yet to be proven that the virus cannot be transmitted through the tubes that make up the Internet

Drive-thru Testing – having someone else taste the food you picked up from McDonalds before you eat it, a good idea even before coronavirus

Flatten the Curve – a proposed Chicago construction project, since 2013, to straighten Lake Shore Drive, which apparently they forgot to do during the 90 million dollar, 1982-1986 project to straighten Lake Shore Drive

Pandemic versus Epidemic – the first of many planned supervillain movies, as superhero movies have run their course, and then some

Telemedicine – a way to wait an hour for the doctor without having to leave home