The New York City Travel and Tourism Bureau has announced that it will be instituting, in conjunction with the city’s hotels, and the creators of escape rooms, online bed bug infestation events for those who would otherwise miss this Big Apple experience because of virus-interrupted plans. For a limited time only, tickets to cancelled Broadway shows may be exchanged for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

In an effort to protect its employees, all major airlines have announced that future flights will be auto-pilot only. Flight attendants also will be eliminated, and given vouchers for middle seats with a value equal to one year’s pay, with volunteer passengers assigned the attendants’ duties via lottery, which is the same way that use of airplane bathrooms will be awarded.

After Florida’s governor invited all professional sports leagues to bring their teams to Florida to play their 2020 seasons, that state’s legislature also quickly passed a new law increasing the state’s sales tax from 6% to 50%, which will take effect June 1 and be accompanied by the slogan “Half a Loaf is Better Than None.”

Despite Florida’s offer, the possibility of a baseball season looked bleaker as the CDC’s website recommended that gloves not be worn except when cleaning or caring for someone who is sick, ignoring how hard gloveless baseball would be on catchers.