You may have thought that Apple shut down stores for the safety of its employees and customers, but I believe it was because of a new secret project that required all hands on board to hit the market as quickly as possible.

Be prepared for the new iMask. No, not the one that squash players use to protect their eyes. (There are estimated to be over one-and-a-half million squash players in the United States, all of whom live within a fifteen minute drive of an Ivy League University.

And no, not the one with limited features conceived months ago as a joke by graphic designer Justin Ciappara.

The new iMask will come equipped with all the features of the latest iPhone, enabling you to make calls without removing it. Texts, email messages, and apps that need a visual interaction, like the new x-ray app, aptly named iSpy, will feed into your new iGlasses, Apple’s long-awaited response to Google Glass.

But the iMask is also much more. Upon command, it can take your temperature, and the temperature of anyone within six feet of you. This feature caused some delay, as early tests revealed an inability to distinguish between animate and inanimate objects, and who really needs to know the temperature of furniture, except officials in the five states that still offer the option of execution via the electric chair.

The iMask is a great gift iDea as it also has a self-locking device that prevents the wearer from removing it when it detects any body heat within six feet.