While on my daily walk, I was struck by an obvious opportunity to create a profitable business to support myself when Social Security goes bust, and also do some good. To those ends, I have established the ASPCFM – the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Face Masks.

Everywhere I go, there are perfectly good, discarded masks on the ground. I rescue them, gathering them up while wearing gloves I purchased from Amazon’s hazmat collection, with the intention of giving the masks new homes.

I’ve opened a pop-up mask shelter in a space recently vacated by a now out-of-business merchant. I thought about getting a lease, but determined that there are enough vacant commercial spaces that I can move around as needed when rousted and not have to pay anything.

I wash the masks three times, because everything comes in threes, and then put them up for adoption. Because the older ones are harder to place, if I can’t find one a new owner within three weeks, I send it to China to be repackaged as new and sold to the U. S. government. which doesn’t actually put the masks into use, but rather stockpiles them in 3×3 crates in a warehouse in an aisle behind the Ark of the Covenant.