With the oracular expectation of shortages that would result from another run on stores as we entered the fall and experienced a rapidly increasing number of COVID cases, I overstocked on everything I could and, not surprisingly, ran out of storage room, so that I had to clandestinely slip into the park in the dead of night with flashlight and shovel in hand and squirrel away dozens of frozen pizzas and rolls of toilet paper in a series of unmarked consumer staples graves.

I considered sketching a map to aid in later finding my stashes, but instead felt compelled to match my abilities against those of scatter-hoarding squirrels, who, while they may have memories that would put an elephant to shame, don’t, I think, have the advantage of being able to create mnemonic devices to help them find their buried treasures.

I experienced a moment of concern as to whether some hungry, little gray member of the family Sciuridae might accidentally happen across and then feast upon one of my Margherita specials. But Internet research allayed my fears, as there is no evidence of the creatures being able to operate an oven.

I realized that I also could turn a profit on my hoarding by converting the adventure into an online-based treasure hunt for people to while away the hours they might otherwise spend searching for a bar still open in violation of the latest governmental orders.

To that end, I signed up for a class on computer coding and another on starting a business out of your garage, which importantly includes advice on protecting your ideas when it’s a shared garage, as mine is.