Now that Las Vegas has instituted drive-through peep shows and nude hand sanitizer wrestling, what’s next? Send your suggestions to Washington, where they’re trying to figure out ways to reinvigorate the economy.

I’m trying to limit my trips to the grocery store, so I’m stretching out my food supplies, but is my yogurt supposed to be turning green?

If baseball hadn’t announced a delay to the start of the season, would anybody have noticed?

Trying to find Purell is pure hell.

I’m thinking of buying an invisible-dog leash, so I can walk through the park without getting stopped by the police.

Then I’m going to get that invisible dog to teach me how better to sit and stare out the window all day.

Now that I’ve watched all eight Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies, what next? Why haven’t we had a movie teaming up the Avengers with James Bond?

I couldn’t get interested in the new television show Dispatches from Elsewhere, but I love its catchphrase – divine nonchalance. As Sally (Kristen Chenoweth) from You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown would say, that’s My New Philosophy.