I read the news today, oh boy. So let’s talk about something else.

I’ve attended a class via Zoom and scheduled a piano lesson via FaceTime, and am now considering using one of those platforms for a much-needed haircut.

As sheltering-in-place lingers on, I find that I no longer have the need for clothes, so am considering turning my walk-in closet into a gym, complete with a sauna fueled by my humidifiers and space heaters.

I’ve memorized up to page 70 out of 2264 in Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary (2003), but hundreds of new words and definitions are being added each year, so I may never complete my task.

With inspiration from Iron Chef and the old Shell Wonderful World of Golf, I’ve constructed a miniature golf course out of pasta shells in my living room, but have no one to play with.

As demonstrated above, I have decided to start ending sentences with prepositions, with the hope that it will, like the more dangerous task of shaving with my non-dominant hand, help form new synapses between neurons in my brain (synaptogenes), with the ultimate goal of finishing the dictionary by increasing my brain function, somewhere short of the expansion, however, achieved by Scarlett Johansson in the movie Lucy.

And finally, each day, as boredom inevitably sets in, I consider cleaning my oven, which I’ve never used and defrosting my freezer, which has no frost.