Best Use of the Moody Bible Institute Parking Lot: 2nd place – a three-on-three hockey game on roller blades. 1st place – a guy urinating into the side of one of the school’s buses, incorrectly assuming that he was hidden (or maybe he just didn’t care).

Most Egregious Mistake – a guy walking his dog who confused which hand held the plastic doggie poop bag and which held his similarly-colored pale blue face mask.

Best Non-News News I’ve Heard: So far there is no evidence to say that people can catch COVID-19 through their ears.

Best Medical Use of a Metronome: To measure the steadiness of my heart beat, in place of an EKG.

Best reason to wear a face mask while walking around outside, even if no one else is around – you don’t need to put suntan lotion on your nose.

Best New Idea – I’m thinking of opening a singles bar, with no occupancy restrictions, called Risk v. Reward. Upon entry, you will be asked to sign a waiver regarding STDs, COVID-19, and financial advice from the bartenders.

Second Best New Idea – Sunglasses with a microscope-type lens that enables you to see the virus, and a computer in the frame that analyzes the concentration and direction of the particles, and the wind velocity, to give you advice on how to avoid contagion, with an optional training video, narrated by football Hall-of-Fame running back Barry Sanders, who walks you through how to quickly make your moves once you have all the information.