Because Whole Foods hasn’t been letting me bring my own bags, I already have accumulated approximately 40 of them (each one a double), stacked in a closet, which means that I can cut each one up into 4 x 4 squares to make 720 pieces of toilet paper, or 1440 of them if I’m willing to go with single ply, which I am in this context. This is equivalent to almost five and a half mega rolls, albeit not the ultra soft ones.

I also have, over the years, purchased numerous bamboo household items, such as garbage baskets, serving trays, wash cloths, face masks, sheets, and pillows. Although one must be careful of the fact that bamboo shoots contain a toxin that produces cyanide in the gut, I’m certain I can master the art of safe preparation before the next lockdown so that I can literally eat myself out of house and home if necessary.

With input and output covered, my only other concern will be keeping my mind occupied. Fortunately, I have discovered the annual National Adult Spelling Bee, which uses the Merriam Webster dictionary, and its 470,000 entries, as its principle bible, which means, at a word a minute, I can learn them all in less than year, and kick butt at the 2021 compitision, I mean competition.