The Theory of Nothing

Just because the world has ground to a halt doesn’t mean that I should stop writing, or does it? Have I misinterpreted the signs? Anyway, to help us all pass the time, here are some notes about some of the things I’m not doing.

Speaking of signs, and the stealing thereof, I’m not watching baseball games. I wouldn’t anyway, but my class on the Literature of Baseball at Northwestern’s Osher Lifelong Learning Institute will be held online, instead of in person, which means I don’t get to indulge in the delicious home-made brownies that a member of the class, who is a baker, brings each week.

I’m not watching March Madness or running my pool, which is a shame because I concocted some bizarre rules this year in the hope that no one else would understand them. In that vein, in the absence of games, I have declared myself the winner of the pool.

Despite having been the Wizard of Oz in Wicked on Broadway, Joel Grey apparently does not have the power to make everything right and so is not going to the 25th Anniversary Porchlight Music Theatre Icons Gala honoring him and neither is anyone else, including me, at least until it gets rescheduled.

I’m not going to the postponed Newberry Library Associates Night, where I was hoping to cop some free wine and cheese and then sneak out before the staff droned on about research that would have bored me to tears.

I’m not going to the American Writers Museum to listen to Gene Luen Yang talk about his new graphic novel Dragon Hoops, as he cancelled his in-person book tour, and instead, according to his website, is touring as a cartoon.

I’m not going to the Civic Orchestra of Chicago’s 100th Anniversary Concert, which was to feature Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 5, which also was performed at the orchestra’s first-ever concert on March 29, 1920. I missed that one too.

A Scientist Walks into a Bar: Thermodynamics – The Hottest Science – The Hideout – March 10, 2020

Willetta Greene-Johnson’s Ph.D. thesis was “The effects of the exchange mode dynamics on vibrational phase relaxation at surfaces.” I have no idea what any of that means, but I do know that Greene-Johnson’s colorful slides and good humor while somewhat dumbing down thermodynamics and entropy for the audience at The Hideout, gave off the kind of good vibrations that would have made her fellow Grammy Award winner, Brian Wilson, envious. (She also is a classically-trained pianist, who dabbles with the cello and clarinet.)

The room was packed and it seemed like almost everyone, myself excluded, lined up to ask questions after the presentation, questions that ranged from: Is the expanding universe a manifestation of entropy?, to What are the thermodynamic properties of love?, with a comparison of Greene-Johnson’s renaissance range of talents in science and songwriting to those of Tom Lehrer’s combination of mathematics and music thrown in for good measure.

Having just found out about A Scientist Walks into a Bar, I now am bummed out that I missed recent excursions into string theory, rockin’ around the gymnosperm, and how food works, but the good news is that there are 34 recordings from similar live Science on Tap events in Oregon and Washington available on Apple Podcasts and 44 seasons of PBS episodes available online. Forty-four seasons! I guess I must have been preoccupied. Still, despite the comfort and safety of listening from home, it’s just not the same as the excitement these days of being in a crowded bar, holding your breath for fear that someone near you may sneeze. (No one did.)

Five Iron Golf – March 6, 2020

I’ve been using Five Iron Golf’s indoor simulators regularly over the last two months, ever since my orthopedist, when I asked him if I could play golf again, gave me the okay, though he wasn’t as positive about the violin, as I had never played that before.

March 6th was my first time using Trackman software, which we were told is more realistic than the other software we had been using. Clearly that’s so, because, on this first occasion, I got a hole in one, on the 11th hole at St. Andrews, not the one in West Chicago, but the real one, in Scotland. Well, not the real one, because we were playing on a simulator, and no one was speaking with a brogue, but it was a simulation of the real one.

Years ago I got a few holes-in-one when there were windmills and clowns’ mouths involved, but this is the first time with an actual golf club in my hands, even if the ball only travelled 10 or so feet into a screen, not 147 yards into the gray skies of Scotland.

I can’t remember the last time I was so excited – well maybe it was when I flunked my Army physical. I was like North Carolina State basketball coach Jim Valvano, when his team won the NCAA men’s tournament 54-52 in 1983 on Lorenzo Charles’s shot at the buzzer, and he famously began running around the court looking for someone to hug.

One of the guys on staff took my picture, I think just to shut me up, not to bask in my glow, but he also said something about having to follow Five Iron on Instagram in order to win a prize for my shot. The odds of that happening are longer than they were for the hole-in-one.

Erwin Helfer (piano) – The Hideout – March 5, 2020

Erwin Helfer is my favorite boogie boogie and blues piano player (and a really nice guy, whom I’ve met a couple times). The last time I saw him was at the 2019 Chicago Blues Festival. Quite by accident, I discovered that he’d be playing at The Hideout, a place I’d never been to before.

The Hideout calls itself “a regular guy bar for irregular folks who just don’t fit in, or just don’t want to fit in.” As such, it’s got my name written all over it. After only one visit, I’d say that it’s my new favorite bar, except I didn’t have an old favorite bar, and I really don’t drink very much. That said, the bar’s Shiner S’more Chocolate & Marshmallow Ale on tap also had my name written all over it, and my name isn’t even Shiner.

Helfer’s trio was to include Rick Sherry on the washboard, which was an added enticement. I don’t know Sherry, but, c’mon, it’s the washboard. I heard my first one in New Orleans thirty years ago, played by a guy who also played the log that night. But Sherry, Helfer told us, had the flu, and was replaced by a drummer who atmospherically wielded a couple drum brushes as if he were Picasso.

Despite the lack of a log or washboard, the ambience I was seeking was maintained by The Hideout’s piano, which, in the true spirit of Helfer’s style and repertoire, is a very old-looking upright, without a top, with the hammers thus revealed.

My next trip to The Hideout will be for A Scientist Walks into a Bar : Thermodynamics – The Hottest Science. (Is this place eclectic or what?) The bar’s monthly interviews are promoted as “Chicago’s premier science-comedy talk show”. Are there others?

Piff the Magic Dragon – North Shore Center for the Performing Arts – February 28, 2020

For the last 12 years, John van der Put has performed as Piff the Magic Dragon. Though it pays the bills, I’d think he’d be tired of the persona by now. It only took me about ten or fifteen minutes, the time at the top of the show he boringly bantered with willing audience members in the guise of humor as he searched for his first on-stage victim.

To be fair, he is widely acclaimed, has solid magician skills, and is funny in spurts. But I wonder if he would be as popular if he weren’t wearing a cheesy Halloween costume. Or is he merely following in the hallowed footsteps of Bette Midler and her wheelchair-bound mermaid alter ego Delores Delago.

The other thing that sets his show apart is his sidekick, Mr. Piffles, the World’s First Magic Performing Chihuahua™. There was a point where I thought, and hoped, that Mr. Piffles might shuffle a deck of cards, but, alas, the height of his powers was being put into a bag with a Rubik’s Cube.

As further proof that Mr. Piffles is not all that special, Piff replaced him on short notice for a show in New Zealand with a dog that had previously starred as Bruiser in a stage production of Legally Blonde. Clearly that dog has some range.

Piff’s act also makes good use of Las Vegas comedic showgirl Jade Simone, who is not to be confused with Nina Simone, who performed in Vegas in the 1960s, or Simón Bolívar, who never made it to Vegas.

Piff has appeared on television on Penn & Teller: Fool Us and America’s Got Talent, but hasn’t made it to the list of the Top Ten Most Famous Dragons of All Time, though his almost namesake Puff comes in at number 18, which magically is part of the top ten.

 

New Faces Sing Broadway Now – Arts Club of Chicago – February 25, 2020

As usual, Porchlight Music Theatre’s New Faces event showcased a host of talent, and a host with talent, Cory Goodrich, five-time Jeff Award nominee, and two-time winner, who is soon to star in Porchlight’s production of Freaky Friday, opening April 10th.

There were songs from recent arrivals and entrenched hits, including four of the five longest-running shows in Broadway history – The Phantom of the Opera, Chicago, The Lion King, and Wicked – but none from non-musicals.

One song was from a show that just opened on Broadway, but is familiar to Chicago audiences – Six. Six’s Porchlight connection is strong, as four of the six stars of the show have been featured in the past in the New Faces series.

What’s more, four of the six women in the cast have first names that start with the letter A, and the two who don’t replaced two from the original West End cast who did. Coincidence, or enemy action?

New Faces makes me think of people who literally have a new face, say for example the characters played by John Travolta and Nicolas Cage in the movie Face/Off. I wonder if they would have titled the 1997 movie Trading Faces if not for the 1983 movie Trading Places.

Speaking of John Travolta, he appeared on Broadway in 1974’s Over Here, in the role of Misfit, singing a two-song medley with the Andrews Sisters. Over Here, which I never heard of before despite it having been nominated for best musical, also included the song Don’t Shoot the Hooey to Me, Louie (gotta love the title), sung by Samuel E. Wright, who sang Under the Sea in the animated film The Little Mermaid. With that kind of trivia, Over Here sounds like a candidate for a Porchlight Revisits production.

For Lying Out Loud (Presented by The Chicago Bar Association) – Oakton Community College – February 23, 2020

A musical suite is defined as a group of self-contained instrumental movements of varying character. A medley is a piece composed from parts of existing pieces. Instrumental medleys in overtures are fine, but calling a vocal medley a suite in a show’s printed program doesn’t make it so.

The problem with vocal medleys is that . . . . Just when the audience is starting to . . . . The performer isn’t given’t the chance to . . . . And the composer’s work . . . . It’s as if a writer started a series of sentences that . . . .

There were two so-called “suites” in this year’s Chicago Bar Association annual satire, For Lying Out Loud, that were somewhat, and only somewhat, saved by the fact that the piano accompanist for the show was excellent.

The opening and closing narrator for the show was dressed as Pinocchio, as befitting the theme. He first appeared on stage, however, already having a long nose, and it didn’t grow as a result of anything he said, unlike in the clever Geico commercials. So, was it Pinocchio or Cyrano de Bergerac?

The highlight of the show, for me, was seeing my name in the program as the purveyor of additional material, the reference being to two jokes I gave the writers many months ago. I was heartened to hear, not only the jokes, but also the audience laughing at them. Okay, the one predicting the imminent end of civilization may have elicited more of a groan, but I was back in show business.

Speaking of imminent ends, I was told that the Bar’s home venue will once again be changing, probably moving to the Studebaker Theater in The Fine Arts Building, with the hope, I suppose, that the show can somehow survive dwindling audiences and last four more years to reach an even 100, if civilization doesn’t end before then.

The Mystick Krewe of Laff 28th Annual Mardi Gras Bash – Speakeasy in the Big Easy Feat – City Winery – February 22, 2020

How ya gonna keep ’em down on the farm after they’ve seen Paree?

The Mystic Krewe of Laff’s bash is promoted as being the biggest Mardi Gras event in Chicago. I don’t know if that claim is accurate, but even if it is, I’ve seen Paree, or rather I’ve seen the Krewe du Vieux Carré in New Orleans. It was 2012 and the theme was Crimes Against Nature, and they meant it.

In New Orleans, the party was outside, where Mardi Gras parties should be, and where you don’t mind standing, unlike in the City Winery, where they oversold the event and didn’t have enough seats, though seating for all had been promised.

In New Orleans the music was better, sounded more like New Orleans, and wasn’t as hard on the ears as the piercing din at the City Winery, though fortunately I was prescient enough to bring earplugs.

In New Orleans the food was better, as City Winery was apparently promoting a bland-food diet. How do you make jambalaya tasteless?

In New Orleans the costumes were more interesting, though a lot of people, not me, tried their best at the City Winery. They just didn’t understand the difference between flapper attire and the decadence and debauchery associated with a real carnival.

In New Orleans there were mule-drawn carts with kegs of beer and other libations on them, which, I admit, might have been somewhat challenging at the City Winery and probably in violation of several laws.

At the City Winery, people were handed beads at the door. In New Orleans, you had to earn them the old-fashioned way.

Other than all that Mrs. Lincoln, I enjoyed my first visit to City Winery.

Grease – Marriott Lincolnshire Theatre – February 16, 2020

According to backstage.com, 2019’s Frankie and Johnny is the first Broadway play to have an intimacy director. Marriott’s production of Grease is the first Chicago play I’ve been to where I noticed a similar attribution, in this case Intimacy Captain, in the playbill. There aren’t any sex scenes in Grease, but there is physical touching.

According to Intimacy Directors International (IDI), founded in 2016, “intimacy directors with IDI are highly skilled collaborators trained in movement pedagogy, acting theory, directing, body language, consent, sexual harassment, Title IX, mental health first aid, and best practices for intimacy direction “ They take “responsibility for the emotional safety of the actors and anyone else in the rehearsal hall while they are present.”

So, while this production is 2020 in regard to backstage sensibilities, it’s still a very senior class of 1959 script, although I think a little of the language from the original has been cleaned up.

The nostalgia regarding a time and place is what drives Grease, along with a raft of great songs, performed beautifully by all in this production, because the plot, whether it be in the original or revised play, or the movie, never wavers from weak, with inexplicable turns.

But when they drive the Greased Lightnin’ car down the theater aisle and onto the stage, twice, one time also lifting center stage and the car up with hydraulics just as if it were in an actual garage for repairs, it’s hard to care whether character transformations are credible.

As for the characterizations, it’s also hard not to start with the understanding that the actors are past high school age, but given the fact that Olivia Newton-John was 30 when the movie was released, they seem young enough, especially given their body language and emotional immersion into their roles. In particular, for me, Michelle Lauto, who always shines, stands out as Marty, with a fierceness and attention to detail.

Happy Together: Songs You Know By Heart – Michael and Angela Ingersoll – North Shore Center for the Performing Arts – February 15, 2020

The New York Times obituary of Mary Martin mentioned how it was her suggestion that her character Nellie Forbush in the Broadway production of South Pacific should literally wash that man right out of her hair (okay, the man wasn’t literally in her hair), as a result of which Martin shampooed her hair on stage for 1000 performances.

I never got to see that, except on a very grainy video of a West End production, but I did get to see Angela Ingersoll do it on stage, without the aid of a shower like Martin had, instead dunking her head into a bucket of water after donning a robe to protect her dress from any splatter. Nothing says show business like good, clean(ing) fun.

Angela’s husband Michael has some substantial credentials (including over 1300 performances in the Broadway touring company of Jersey Boys) and talent of his own, but Angela was the draw for me, having been captivated by her at a couple Porchlight Music Theater productions, including her Jeff Award-winning tour-de-force as Judy Garland in End of the Rainbow.

Among the other women in Angela’s repertoire is Cher, which reminded me of Stephanie J. Block’s story about finding Cher’s speaking voice for her Tony award-winning performance in The Cher Show. “I happened to be reading lines . . . while I was wearing Crest Whitestrips, and all of a sudden, I was beginning to sound more and more like Cher . . . . So I had to figure out how my mouth was projecting the sound and all the energy once I took the product off. Really, that was the key into how I found her exact sound. Thank you, Oral B!”

The singing aside, one highlight for me was the Ingersolls bringing their Greyhound, Dolly, on stage for a number (the dog didn’t sing) and then announcing that it was time for intermission because it was time for the dog, and perhaps some of the audience members, to pee.

But the most memorable moment of the evening may have been the recreation of the Jennifer Grey leap into Patrick Swayze’s arms while the Ingersolls sang I Had the Time of My Life as their closer. I was ready to be extremely impressed, and was, when the couple wound up doing a jumping chest bump that sent Angela flying backwards onto her butt. Cabaret meets The Three Stooges.