feels like he’s in an escape room game that he can’t figure out?

is leaving bread out to grow mold in the hope of discovering a treatment?

has heard enough news about Tom Brady?

would sink to watching a live curling tournament if it were available?

is keeping track of how many times in a row he doesn’t get an error message when extracting the flash drive from his laptop? (It’s the little things.)

wonders how long it will take for our first made-for-tv coronavirus movie? Production studios are shut down, but next year’s Oscars may have to add a category for home movies.

has hit the limit (mine was apparently 100) on phone numbers he can block?

wonders whether there is now a market for fake IDs for people in their 50s who want to pass for 60?

never liked shaking hands in the first place? “The history of the handshake dates back to the 5th century B.C. in Greece. It was a symbol of peace, showing that neither person was carrying a weapon.”  I guess concealed carry wasn’t allowed back then.

flosses before using Zoom video?

had to look up the word for fear of crowds (which we now all have)? – enochlophobia

has eliminated running with the bulls from his bucket list and replaced it with having a meal with friends?

If this were an episode of Star Trek Voyager, the crew would be put into stasis while the holographic doctor worked on, and of course found, a cure, in under an hour.

Does social distancing signal the end of car-pool lanes and the use of anatomically-correct inflatable dummies placed in the passenger seat to fool the car-pool police? And how about dummies as automatic pilots in airplanes?

If every city follows the lead of Hoboken and restricts restaurant business to take-out and delivery, that should free up a lot of indoor space to house inmates to help address the issue of social distancing in overcrowded prisons, where it’s known as solitary confinement.

While stepping outside for some fresh air, while we’re still allowed to do so, I noticed that everyone else was walking a dog, which led me to wonder whether dogs chase balls we throw only to make us feel better about picking up their poop. And are people hoarding those little plastic bags just like they’re hoarding toilet paper?

While walking, I noticed a sign on Dave & Buster’s saying that you must be 18 or over to enter the premises. I wonder whether establishments will start restricting entrance to those under the age of 60, which would result in the largest class action lawsuit in history if anyone 60 or older actually wanted to enter a Dave & Buster’s.

Most of us seem to have gotten past shaking hands, and good riddance, but other more practical-oriented habits, like touching door handles, pushing elevator buttons, and breathing when around people, may be tougher to break, especially the last one.

Change all your passwords, daily at first, more often later if you’re still bored. Then try to memorize all 500 of them.

Remove your spam filters and start reading all your junk email and listening to all the robocalls you get.

Learn a new skill – campanology has a nice ring to it, though it may annoy the neighbors.

Take a free online course from a top university – epidemiology seems like a useful one.

And then watch all the contagion movies. Check out Vulture’s list of The 58 Best Pandemic Movies to Binge in Quarantine.

While you’re at it, there’s a new sequel to the book The Andromeda Strain, The Andromeda Evolution, which I recommend, even though it wasn’t written by Michael Crichton, who, after all, left us in 2008. I wonder how he would feel about the amazingly convoluted Westworld television series, which I don’t recommend.

Shred every shred of paper in your possession – very cathartic.

Write the consensus Great American Novel, thereby eliminating the other pretenders on The Literary Hub list, which, by the way, does not include the Philip Roth book, The Great American Novel, which I, and perhaps a few others, actually have read.

Think about exercising, but don’t actually exercise, as you might hurt yourself, and it’s not a good time to need medical attention.

Start writing a blog. It empties your head, and thereby helps you sleep at night.

Sleep, a lot – not only does it help cleanse the brain of toxins (so that you can pursue all the above activities), it helps preserve toilet paper and hand sanitizer (unless you’re a sleep cleaner), and, who knows, things might be better when you wake up.