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The Mystick Krewe of Laff 28th Annual Mardi Gras Bash – Speakeasy in the Big Easy Feat – City Winery – February 22, 2020

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How ya gonna keep ’em down on the farm after they’ve seen Paree?

The Mystic Krewe of Laff’s bash is promoted as being the biggest Mardi Gras event in Chicago. I don’t know if that claim is accurate, but even if it is, I’ve seen Paree, or rather I’ve seen the Krewe du Vieux Carré in New Orleans. It was 2012 and the theme was Crimes Against Nature, and they meant it.

In New Orleans, the party was outside, where Mardi Gras parties should be, and where you don’t mind standing, unlike in the City Winery, where they oversold the event and didn’t have enough seats, though seating for all had been promised.

In New Orleans the music was better, sounded more like New Orleans, and wasn’t as hard on the ears as the piercing din at the City Winery, though fortunately I was prescient enough to bring earplugs.

In New Orleans the food was better, as City Winery was apparently promoting a bland-food diet. How do you make jambalaya tasteless?

In New Orleans the costumes were more interesting, though a lot of people, not me, tried their best at the City Winery. They just didn’t understand the difference between flapper attire and the decadence and debauchery associated with a real carnival.

In New Orleans there were mule-drawn carts with kegs of beer and other libations on them, which, I admit, might have been somewhat challenging at the City Winery and probably in violation of several laws.

At the City Winery, people were handed beads at the door. In New Orleans, you had to earn them the old-fashioned way.

Other than all that Mrs. Lincoln, I enjoyed my first visit to City Winery.

Earth Day Work Release – Washington Square Park – April 27, 2019

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In case you remember the Pogo catchphrase, “we have met the enemy and he is us” but not the 1971 Earth Day poster wherein it gained its fame, here it is.

Earth Day originally was proposed to be on the first day of spring, March 21, in 1970, but then, for reasons beyond my ken (though I suspect it was so that a politician could claim credit over the peace activist who actually originally proposed it), was changed to April 22. Perhaps the later date was to ensure good weather. Surprise. Snow storm today!

This was my fourth year helping out in Washington Square Park, spreading mulch around a dozen of its trees (but who’s counting), as others did much the same, wheelbarrowed in the mulch, swept up debris, performed administrative duties, or drank coffee and chatted while attempting to look engaged.

As in the past, I didn’t read the waiver I signed (don’t do this at home) or ask for a copy of it, so I don’t know if it said anything about the effects of breathing in mulch fumes. I’m not suggesting that there was any particular reason for concern, but, after all, it was mulch, complete with wood chips, and I can’t help but think about the movie Fargo.

I tried to stay upwind as much as possible and avoid deep breathing. I also brought my own gloves and wore them at all times, though now it occurs to me that I should throw them out to be consistent. Hopefully the complimentary donut holes weren’t in any way infected.

Maybe next time I shouldn’t spend the days leading into Earth Day reading The Royal Art of Poison: Filthy Palaces, Fatal Cosmetics, Deadly Medicine, and Murder Most Foul.

 

 

 

 

Spring Forward – International Music Foundation (IMF) – Union League Club – March 27, 2019

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As Master of Ceremonies Robbie Ellis informed us, the IMF event we were attending was to raise money for the International Music Foundation, which puts on the Dame Myra Hess Memorial Concerts, the Rush Hour Concerts, the Do-It-Yourself Messiah, Make Music Chicago, Live Music Now!, and coming this summer, concerts with Gallagher Way Chicago; not for the International Monetary Fund (also IMF), which apparently is doing okay without the need for a fundraising event, as its website says it currently has one trillion dollars available to lend to its member countries.

Perhaps the International Music Foundation should give up its 503(c) status and resurrect itself as a country to qualify for a loan. Unless, and maybe even if, the Music Foundation attempted this by ceding its physical space (i.e. offices) in order not to impinge on U.S. territory (though I wonder if the offices could be turned into a consulate – query, can you have a consulate without a physical home country?), the Music Foundation might not be able to declare independence without United Nations approval. I’ll let the lawyers work that out.

Becoming a country could add a second fundraising technique to the Music Foundation’s arsenal, however, as displayed in the book and movie The Mouse That Roared, wherein the Duchy of Grand Fenwick, on the verge of bankruptcy, declares war on the United States, with the expectation of a rapid defeat that would lead to the inevitable post-war aid from the U.S. to help the Duchy rebuild.

Until the Music Foundation can implement my suggestions, however, it will have to rely on fundraisers. This one included performances by Marguerite Lynn Williams (harp), Richard Lin (violin) with Chin-Yi-Chen (piano) Diana Newman (soprano) with Brian Locke (piano), and Ellis, with Locke on piano, performing his own Symphony No. 1 in Eb, a comedic performance that I cannot do justice in trying to describe, but highly recommend you listen to as providing a perfect ending for this recap.

Life is a Cabaret

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Break out the chocolate. This is my one hundredth blog, all posted in less than eight months. Who says I’m not working? I’m just not getting paid.

What started out as an offhand thought about chronicling my retirement activities, has turned into something of an obsession.

My first challenge was the technical aspects of setting up a blog. I didn’t know any six-year-olds who could help me, so I had to figure it out myself, with help, one time, from a faceless technical assistant, in another country, on my provider’s chat line. I’m still trying (halfheartedly) to figure out how to make the blog’s email account work.

I had no idea whether anyone would be interested in reading my rambling reflections. I figured out early on, however, that I enjoyed writing them. As long as I amuse myself, and no animals are harmed in the process, what the heck (but thank you to my loyal followers, whose kind words I appreciate – if you blog in a forest and no one reads it, does it say anything?).

I’ve never had the intention of trying to monetize the site. So you won’t see any ads and you shouldn’t get any spam based on being a subscriber or visiting the site. This is not The Facebook.

I did consider the possibility that, someday, theaters might deem it worthwhile to give me free tickets, but there are three things standing in the way of that – they don’t know I exist; my readership is too small and I have no interest in marketing the site other than through casual conversation; and the theaters might prefer something other than the detour-heavy, top of consciousness, keep it short, look for the joke style I currently employ, even if I do try to spell their names right.

A nice side benefit of the blog is that I now have something to talk about when meeting people (given no job to complain about and no grandchildren).

Another benefit has been the increase in my activity due to the responsibility I feel to my readers to go out and find things to do, for the story value. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make, and better than sitting alone in your room. Thank you Elsie.

Lincoln Park Zoo – May 15, 2018

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Just as I was about to enter the zoo, I encountered three staff members trying to recycle (see photo of one staffer with a telltale blue container) a snapping turtle that apparently had escaped captivity. He wasn’t hard to run down – he was, after all, a turtle – but bringing him to justice proved to be a little more difficult. I learned two lessons – it’s easier if, unlike in the photo, the open end of the container is facing the deserter and be sure to protect your hands when handling a snapping turtle (the unseen staff were procuring thick gloves to aid in the eventual arrest).

I came across two more handlers having problems, this time in regard to opening a door to let a rhinoceros back inside from his outdoor pen. The animal stood motionless, nose up against the door, until it suddenly butted its head against the door, with great vigor, apparently out of frustration at its exile during what was probably its lunch hour. At that point I decided to move on before we reenacted a scene from Jurassic World.

Speaking of Jurassic World, while I saw recent zoo additions of plains zebras and a female polar bear, I didn’t see any dinosaurs, which, if you believe a recent ad, not only exist, but also have been domesticated, sort of. Make your day by watching the video about a velociraptor being used as a service animal.

On my way out of the zoo, I passed a mother asking her child whether he knew why flamingos were pink. I wanted to interrupt and say, “because they weren’t cooked long enough”, but I resisted the impulse to scar the waif for life. The thought did make me hungry, however, so I stopped for lunch at Cafe Brauer, making sure not to order anything that I might have just seen while wandering around the zoo, so no turtle soup.

Glass Blowing – Ignite Glass Studios – April 27, 2018

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It’s not everyday that you get invited to a birthday party at a glass blowing studio (great idea). My uncle had done glass blowing as a hobby for years, but he was a scientist with expertise in combustion, so I took no comfort from his experience.

I learned the following things: You don’t mix red with any other color because it overpowers the other color. You don’t touch certain parts of the blowpipe because it’s really hot (good tip). And you don’t tug on Superman’s cape (okay, I already knew that one).

You wipe the end of the blowpipe off with alcohol to clean it before blowing into it. I don’t like to drink and drive, so I opted for making a paperweight (even though I haven’t used paper in years), for which you don’t have to blow (so I don’t know what to call what I did).

The staff of the studio kept things simple for us (thank you), but I think we used things called pincers, markers, blocks, tweezers, and paddles, based upon my post party investigation (https://www.thehouseofglassinc.com/dictionary.htm). The most important tool, however, was the staff, without whose considerable help we would have wound up with items that looked like they went through the transporter in Jeff Goldblum’s version of The Fly, instead of the very nice pieces we crafted.

There were many conversations at the party, but my favorite (which I gratuitously mention for a couple of my followers) was the one I had, with a guest who knew him, about the eating habits of former St. Louis University Billikens basketball coach Rick Majerus. You just can’t pick that kind of information up on the street.

The only thing missing from the party was background music. Perhaps a nice oldies medley including Ring of Fire, Glass Onion, and Blowin’ in the Wind would have been appropriate.

Earth Day (a day early) – Washington Square Park – April 21, 2018

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I raked some lawn; I swept some sidewalk; I talked to Howard, who moved here a month ago from China, and whose English is a lot better than my nonexistent Chinese; I had my picture taken as part of the group, but didn’t stay for the pizza (though I did have two donut holes); and I got some exercise and a t-shirt for my efforts.

This was the third time I’ve helped clean up the park and lived to tell about it (not even any soreness the next day), which is good because I signed a waiver that I didn’t read. (Where was there a lawyer when I needed one?)

My best waiver story is from a race I ran in many years ago. The waiver included a clause that said I would be liable for the race promotor’s attorney’s fees if I were the plaintiff in a suit against the promotor as a result of anything arising out of the race. I added language to the effect that I would not be responsible if I were such a plaintiff as a result of being part of a class action. No one challenged my addition, probably because they didn’t even notice it.

One of the other helpers in the park was a young lady who dances in Hamilton and raked before heading for her Saturday matinee, whereas I raked before taking a nap.

Given that the theme of this year’s Earth Day was End Plastic Pollution, it was odd that they had plastic bottles of water for the helpers and were putting garbage into plastic bags, but we’ve only been celebrating Earth Day since 1970, so maybe they’ll get it right in the 50th year, next year.

Trivia Nights – Ongoing

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I competed in intramural trivia contests when I was in college and law school, and was on the team representing the University of Illinois in what was billed as the first National Collegiate Invitational Trivia Tournament (or something like that). In those days I studied the almanac. There was no internet or social media. Countries weren’t changing their names every ten minutes. There weren’t 1780 television channels. No Star Wars characters to learn. No Harry Potter to study.

For the last four months or so my friend Bill and I have been going to a weekly trivia night (Brain Sportz) at a local establishment. Based on the results of our first excursion into this highly-competitive underworld, we named our team Dead Last, which, I’m proud to say, has turned into a misnomer, mostly.

Bill and I know almost nothing anything about music (who the hell is Richard Cheese?) or pop culture (I’ve never watched the Simpsons) from the last 30 years. But, and this is important, I’m a really good guesser.  It’s a skill that helped me get good scores on standardized tests in my youth, which in turn got me into school so that I could enter collegiate trivia contests (unfortunately there was no major offered in trivia – law was as close as I could get).

These days we usually finish third, typically out of five or more teams. We’ve risen to second a couple times and miraculously finished first once! The categories that night were in our sweet spot – old stuff.

A couple of the other teams have six members, Millennials all. With two players (we’ve lately expanded to three), each of you must be a jack-of-all-trivia, whereas with six players you can specialize. I asked one of the other teams about this, and was told that one of their members specialized in Andy Samberg movies. Who? What? We are in desperate need of Millennials on our team.

Random Acts of Fun in the Parks – 2017

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Every year the Newberry Library, in conjunction with its annual book fair, puts on a celebration of free speech in Washington Square Park (Bughouse Square), which for years had been a popular spot for soapbox orators. I went on July 29, not so much to hear the speeches, which are mercifully limited in length by the organizers, but once again to enjoy the performance by the Environmental Encroachment brass band, a ragtag group that for some reason amuses me.

I also spent the morning of April 27, Earth Day, in Washington Square Park helping prepare the park for the summer. Okay, so this wasn’t actually fun in and of itself, but by reminding me that the other 364 days of the year I don’t have to do any yard work because I live in a condo, it nevertheless brought a smile to my face.

I spent many other days in various Chicago parks during the year, in particular Millennium Park for the concerts and a taping of Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me, featuring ex-Cub Ryan Dempster as the special guest (when I heard that he was the guest I figured they must have gotten to the bottom of a long list of possibilities, but he turned out to be quite entertaining); Lincoln Park for the zoo and the golf course (where one day I got put in a foursome with three guys associated with Second City, which made for an unusual day where the banter was funnier than my golf game); Polk Brothers Park at Navy Pier for the outdoor water-related movies (I saw Jaws and Splash, but missed Sharknado – what a shame); and the park adjoining Adler Planetarium, where I joined several thousand of my closest friends to observe the solar eclipse on August 21. As we used to say in college – any excuse for a party.