I went in thinking it would be a knockout, Porter over Sondheim, in four rounds, out of the seven, but then I thought that the particular selection of competitive categories that musical theatre historian Troy used put Porter at a disadvantage, as if he were only allowed to punch with one hand.

The composers felt each other in the first round, Sondheim taunting and jabbing away with Comedy Tonight, and Porter dancing around the ring, or rather having Fred Astaire and George Murphy do it to the tune of Please Don’t Monkey with Broadway, in Broadway Melody of 1940, 25 years before Murphy was elected to the U.S. Senate.

And then the roundabout hook of Getting Married Today caught me off guard, comparing favorably to Porter’s They Couldn’t Compare to You, and causing me to award Sondheim the round.

It turned into an MMA fight when Porter floored Sondheim for an 8-count with I Get a Kick out of You.

Sondheim rose from the mat and decked Porter with Together Wherever We Go, but Sondheim was penalized by the referee for only being the lyricist on that song.

Then both fighters symbolically went down (Porter’s Down in the Depths and Sondheim’s Uptown-Downtown).

The next round was drawn from the start – Never, Never Be An Artist versus Finishing the Hat.

Finally, just when it looked like Sondheim might win the bout with America (even though, again, only the lyricist), he acknowledged that he hated what he had written (and told CBS News in 2020 that he was embarrassed by the lyrics he wrote for West Side Story, though acknowledging that the audiences might think differently), which left Porter standing over him, flag in hand ala George Foreman at the 1968 Summer Olympics, to the tune of I Still Love the Red, White and Blue.