Asymptomatic – on sale at bars through word of mouth, it’s easier to operate than the Veg-O-Matic, requiring no instructions, batteries, or the least bit of intelligence to add flavor to your friends’ lives.

Bursting the Bubble – the act of professional athletes sneaking out of their hotels for some late night fun, not to be confused with the little girl in the park spreading the virus by blowing bubbles that pop in your face.

Contact Tracing – America’s fastest growing occupation, the perfect fit for parents who are networking, while not working, and are unfit to home school their children after their kids reach the age of eight.

Incubation Period – the time between screwing around and experiencing the repercussions thereof.

PPE – personal protective equipment worn by athletics supporters as better protection than an athletic supporter.

Spanish Flu – what turned off millions of people in 1918, not to be confused with the emerald-green beetle, Spanish Fly, that is supposed to turn you on.

Super Spreader – the latest villain in the real (not Marvel) universe, not to be confused with the John Deere Tow Broadcast Spreader, which typically only spreads seed, lime, fertilizer, or sand, not virus.

Twindemic – pending a metamorphosis of the definition during the upcoming flu season, it currently describes the situation where siblings are laid off from their teaching positions at the same university due to its move to online studies and the determination that one professor can therefore teach all the school’s 30,000 students simultaneously via Zoom.