John Scalzi

American Writers Festival – Chicago Cultural Center and American Writers Museum – May 15, 2022

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I’ve delayed writing about the American Writers Festival because first I wanted to watch the animated Love, Death & Robots on Netflix. Huh?

I went to the festival primarily to see my favorite living science fiction author, John Scalzi (which reminds me, Willie Mays celebrated his 91st birthday earlier this month), whom I first discovered at an AWM program in October, 2018, at which time I had yet to read any of his books (Scalzi, that is – I don’t think Mays has written anything, but he sure could do everything else). Since then I’ve read all 16 of his novels and one of his short stories.

But I didn’t know, until I saw Scalzi at the festival, that five episodes of L, D & R were based on other stories of his. So, I now also can recommend those, with a special shout out for When the Yogurt Took Over.

I was planning on going too to two other programs at the festival, but a staff member at the museum wouldn’t let me go to the ready room to annoy, I mean say hello to, Jennifer Keishen Armstrong (it wan’t a cold call – she does know me, honest) before she came out to do her live Dead Writer Drama podcast, which then caused me to lose interest in staying to hear her and later Peter Sagal and several of his closest friends for them to tell me how to write comedy, as if they could. This was not unlike how the actions of a couple high school teachers caused me to lose interest in studying for years. Also, I was lazy.

Third-tier Things to Think About

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With sports on hold for quite some time now, it’s a fair bet that no one remembers the words to the Star Spangled Banner, which hasn’t been sung since the Super Bowl, which means it’s a good time to replace it with Back in the U.S.A. by Chuck Berry.

The whole stand six feet away thing must be tough on pickpockets. Maybe they can figure out a way to use selfie sticks to reach their victims without attracting attention.

I expect high-end face-mask stores to become a thing (although trying on a mask after someone else did might cause some hesitation) so that you won’t have to continue wearing that old bra or jock strap you converted (after washing I hope), especially since we all may have to get additional driver’s license and passport pictures wearing a mask.

Apparently our not knowing what day it is has a name – temporal disintegration – which makes me feel better because it sounds like something the science officer would explain to me if I were in the middle of a Star Trek episode, which is a good way to think of where we are, because the crew of the Enterprise always manages to save the day, but be careful not to wear a red shirt, as those crewmen don’t always fare so well (I highly recommend the award-winning book, Redshirts, by John Scalzi).

John Scalzi – The Consuming Fire – American Writers Museum – October 22, 2018

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John Scalzi is one sharp, wacky dude.

He’s won two Hugo awards, and even his cat has a blog, which Scalzi says has 14,000 followers. Another 13,961 and I’ll catch up.

Scalzi rolls a ten-sided die at the beginning of each speaking engagement to decide what to talk about, so that it’s not the same every time and he doesn’t get bored.

Number 1 came up – “Read from an upcoming work.” He read from School for Hostages.

Number 5 came up -“Speak authoritatively and persuasively for several moments on a topic chosen by the audience (even if I don’t know anything about that topic).” Scalzi refers to this as improv mansplaining. Audience members raise their hands as soon as they decide that he’s full of BS. When a majority of the audience has their hands raised, he stops. However, the audience loved his BS so much that they kept their hands down long after he had lost all credibility discussing wombats.

Number 8 came up – “Give a Mini-Clinic on how to write a novel in just (mumble mumble) weeks!” Scalzi wrote The Consuming Fire (80,000 words) in two weeks (though the story was floating around in his head before that), necessitated by his mistake about the manuscript’s due date. He said he locked himself in a room, put a block on social media and the internet, and asked his wife to slip food under the door, but relented to his wife’s demand that he leave the room to use the bathroom when he needed to relieve himself.

Scalzi didn’t say whether the room had a window, but downplayed the saying that a writer is working when he’s staring out the window. He suggested that sometimes he’s just looking at squirrels.

I was hoping zero would come up – “Reveal the Meaning of Life.” I may have to follow his book tour around the country to get that insight.